Whether you’re punch drunk from too much Paas Easter Egg dye or just looking for a way to spruce up a gamer’s Bento Box, this Angry Bird is ready to launch its tasty way into your belly.
THINGS YOU’LL NEED
For the dye:
1 hardboiled egg
1/3 cup warm water
1 tsp vinegar
1/2 tsp red food coloring
For the rest:
1 dried apricot
1 sheet nori
1 slice white cheese
The real trick to making this work is dying most of the egg bright red while leaving the belly pasty white. I pulled it off by dying my eggs in small wine glasses. Tilt the egg on it’s side, pointy end facing downwards, so part of it stays bare and dry. You can use an Easter Egg coloring kit if you want, but I honestly just mixed a little ordinary red food coloring with vinegar and water then poured it into a glass. The dye does bleed into the unexposed white middle a little, so if you know that’ll drive you nuts, melt some wax first, dip your belly in there, let it completely harden and dry, then put the egg in the dye.
Whether or not you wax your egg, dunk each one in the wine glass for about 10 minutes. Carefully lift it out with a spoon, then put in the next egg. Repeat until you’ve built up the base for your entire army. When you’re done, remember not to drink the dye.
Once you have the eggs dyed, this recipe only requires four ingredients; a dyed egg, dried apricots, a slice of white cheese, and nori. (Japanese seaweed paper. It’s what you see wrapped around sushi. You can find it pretty darn cheap at most Asian groceries. In schmancier neighborhoods, you might even find some slightly overpriced nori in the local grocer’s international aisle, usually close to the Pocky sticks. The stuff is incredibly popular among people who make decorated bento box lunches.)
Now that you have a white bellied red egg, you need some eyes.
Since I have a wealth of geometric shapes in my kitchen, I picked a small round punch. You can just as easily use a knife or kitchen sheers to cut a circle. It doesn’t even have to be crazy precise. After all, you’re going to cut a straight line across the top of both eyes. If you’re a better person than me you’ll even cut the eyes so they’re flush against one another instead of letting them overlap then smushing the cheese down. Do as I say, not as I do.
However you acquire your circles of cheese, gently press them right above your egg’s dye line. They’ll stick like magic. Or, more accurately, like a dairy product in contact with a porous surface.
Next, cut your dried apricot into two triangles. The larger, longer triangle is the upper beak while the squatter, smaller triangle is the lower beak.
To make these stick, you’ll need your secret fifth ingredient – spit. Now, if you’re making this for someone else, you can always use water. I’ll be honest, though. Since this egg was my precious, we licked the apricot, yes we did. We also used the knife tip to rough up the edges to create more surface area and generally make it gummier so it would stick better.
To finish it off, use some scissors to cut two eyebrow sized rectangles. Once more, find a way to moisten them. (I used my tongue. You might use water.) Carefully arrange the brows over the eyes so it looks like your egg is glaring sternly at you. Since I’m lazy, I just cut the edges of a third strip into triangles and used those for the pupils. You’re welcome to try cutting your nori into precise circles, but in my experience, trying to make graceful curves with nori results in a whole lot of ripped seaweed and cursing.
Originally, I wanted to add three short, jaunty strips of red licorice for my Angry Bird’s head feathers, but short of non-edible actual glue, I couldn’t get those suckers to stay. If you’re really determined, you can always try to use some icing, but I wanted to stick with things that would actually taste decent together. Hard boiled eggs, nori, and icing sound like the makings of a horrible episode of Chopped.
If you’re a good person, you’ll secretly buy your loved one a new level of Angry Birds and sneak this into their lunchbox with a note. If you’re REALLY into Angry Birds, you’ll use paper towel and toilet paper rolls to set up your own levels where piggies can hide, then start a glorious war on your lawn as you chuck these across the grass in a giant live-action game. It’s so much more fun than an Easter Egg hunt.
If you’re really hungry (or really planning a live action lawn war), diversifying your army is really easy.
BLUE ANGRY BIRDS
These are almost identical to the red. Dye the whole egg blue (no exposed belly), make the nori eyebrows a little thinner, and maybe add a couple triangles of red fruit roll up for the bottom eyelids.
BLACK ANGRY BIRDS
Use the wineglass dye method again. You want to leave the belly exposed until the last minute. Let the egg soak in black dye for 10 minutes, then gently roll the whole thing in the black dye for about 3-5 seconds. Lift it out of the dye using a spoon. This will give you a black egg with a grey belly. From there, just cut three cheese eyes instead of two and position the third one in the middle. Instead of nori eyebrows, try red fruit rollups.
GREEN ANGRY BIRDS
The wineglass dye method is once more your friend. Once your green dyed, white bellied eggs are dry, use a cheap piece of “Circus Peanut” candy for the oversized orange beak. Yes, they still make that vile stuff. You’ll find it in your grocery store’s candy aisle, lurking near the bottom shelf with the lemon drops and butterscotch. It’s only about $1 per bag. You’ll need to rough up and moisten the part you stick to your egg, then hold it in place for a little while so the sugars in the candy have plenty of time to act like glue. Feel free to add head and tail feathers out of nori.
YELLOW ANGRY BIRDS
These fighters aren’t as conveniently egg shaped as the others, but with the right colors, you can still squint a little and pretend. Use the wineglass method to dye your egg yellow with an exposed white belly. Use the same cheese and nori for the eyes and apricot for the beak, but substitute red fruit rollups for the eyebrows. If you’re feeling clever, add some nori strips for the head and tail feathers.
