Blue Bantha Milk Bars (Pantry Staples Recipes)

Blue Bantha Milk Bars 01

If you’d rather eat what’s left of a frozen Tauntaun than suffer through the last ration bars left on Hoth, I’ve concocted a little taste of home you can make from basic pantry staples and a little blue food coloring.

Blue Bantha Milk Bars

  • 4 room temp eggs, separated
  • ¾ cup sugar
  • ½ cup/1 stick butter, melted and cooled to room temp
  • 2 tsp extract (your choice of lemon or vanilla)
  • 1 tsp blue food coloring
  • ¾ cup ap flour
  • 2 cups full fat, room temp milk
  • blue sprinkles (optional)

tauntaun-starwars

By now, you’ve had all the French Toast you can stand. If you’ve still got eggs and milk left over from your last frantic supply run, convince your friends and family you’ve got secret midichlorians when this dubiously thin looking batter magically separates into three layers.

Start by separating your egg yolks from the whites. Set the yolks aside while you attack the whites with a hand mixer set to high. Yes, you’re making a meringue. Use the force (of your mixer) on the whites until they transform from a sticky liquid into snowy white peaks. Stop crying. I know they remind you of the weather outside. You won’t have to look at them for long.

Set the meringue aside and grab a comically oversized bowl. You’re going to need all that space. Once you dump in your egg yolks, sugar, and melted butter, it’s time for the mixer to work its magic again. Set it to high and keep beating until the mix is light and fluffy. This will probably take around five minutes. The fluffier your butter, the more your batter will separate, so don’t just haphazardly mix it a couple time with a spoon then go back to staring forlornly at the endless, monotonous snow.

Once your sugared and buttery eggs have fluffed up, add the blue food coloring and extract. You want a strong flavor or else these bars will taste super eggy. Personally, I like lemon, but if you’re not a fan, you’re welcome to use vanilla. Kool-Aid drinkers might enjoy blue raspberry while adult beverage drinkers will nod appreciatively when you tell them orange flavored bars are Blue Curacao. No matter what you use, add two teaspoons of it and give the bowl a good stir.

Now add your ap flour. No, that doesn’t look like enough. Trust me. I wouldn’t lead you astray. Let your mixer work its magic for another 1-2 minutes.

It looks like a traditional cake batter. Ruin that effect by slowly pouring in two cups of room temperature whole milk. Carefully mix it into the batter until it’s well enough incorporated that you can use the mixer again without splashing batter all over yourself. Now give it another minute or two of electrified whirring excitement.

Remember the meringue? It’s time to put away your mixer in favor of a spatula. Gently fold the meringue into your soupy blue mess. The air bubbles make your bars rise and separate, so you don’t want to blow them up like some pathetic forest moon. The goal here is to bend them to your will, force them to join you, and use their powers for your own bidding. If there are still a few rebellious lumps, that’s alright. They’ll be purged in the fires of baking.

Liberally coat a 9 inch baking dish with butter and pour in your batter. Resist the temptation to use a springform pan. The batter will leak out the edges and embarrass you like an incontinent elderly emperor.

Bake your Blue Bantha Milk Bars at 325F for 40-50 minutes. Start checking on them at around 30 minutes. As soon as the middle is set and no longer wobbles, take the pan out of the oven.

Here’s the hard part – leave it alone for at least three hours. Yes, that long. Don’t poke it or check it or cut it. That thin, wussy batter had its former life burned away and needs time to cool down and accept this new and imposing form or else it’ll fall apart. When the pan has fully cooled, you should have a dense bottom layer, a smooth custardy layer, and a thin, cake-like layer on top. If you let the bars over-cook, the custard will solidify. The end result will still be tasty, but you’ll be missing out on a decadently creamy and smooth treat.

The top crust is prone to turning a dusky blue-grey more suited to Alice in Wonderland, so feel free to brighten it up with a generous helping of blue sprinkles. Alternately, if you’re not sick of all things white and powdery, you could also top the bars with powdered sugar.

Serve these to water farmers, scruffy looking nerf herders, or your favorite cantina musicians.

Blue Bantha Milk Bars 02

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One comment

  • Why, why, why, why, WHY… am I always out of butter. AUGH.
    Oh, that’s right… because I do a lot of desserty things too. Bollocks. Well, I guess I’ll be going to the store then. Again. >_>

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