Make Room! Make Room for these healthy green crackers that are most certainly not made of people.*
Soylent Green Ration Crackers
½ cup whole wheat flour
½ cup oat flour
½ cup almond flour
2 tbsp water
2 tbsp matcha green tea powder
2 tbsp tahini
2 tbsp honey
2 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp kosher salt
½ tbsp sesame oil
Extra salt for dusting
Mix water, tahini, honey, olive oil, and sesame oil into a paste as dense as the population.
Mix everything else in a separate, cleaner bowl.
Cause a riot by mixing the two. You should end up with a dense green dough.
Lightly spritz a sheet of aluminum foil with nonstick spray.
Put the dough in the middle of the foil and press it down with your fingers.
Put a sheet of waxed paper on top.
Roll the dough until it’s as thin as a pie crust.
Trim away the uneven scraps. Use them to patch up any holes in the dough.
Carefully transfer the aluminum foil to a cookie sheet.
Lightly dust the top with extra salt.
Use an oiled pizza cutter to cut the crackers into squares. Poke each square twice with a fork.
Bake at 300F for 6-10 minutes, or until the edges just barely turn brown. Don’t overcook or they’ll be as ruined as a burnt out city.
Let cool for 30 minutes before distributing as rations.
Serve with luxuries like a teaspoon of strawberry jam or nutritious protein rich hummus alongside the Soylent Corporation’s new line of long pork rinds.
* Ingredients subject to change without notice depending on the quality of the annual plankton harvest.