If you want to see Captain Worf at the helm of his own ship, join the #WeWantWorf campaign and send CBS a basket of mini muffins with a note to green light Michael Dorn’s proposal.
Why mini-muffins? Dorn says he wants to sweeten the CBS exec’s disposition towards a Star Trek spinoff rather than annoy them. After all, somebody in the office is bound to enjoy a basket of mini muffins, unlike Jericho’s 20 tons of peanuts, Roswell’s 3000 bottles of tabasco sauce, and Friday Night Light’s crates of lightbulbs and eye drops.
If you’re not a baker, Cinema Source will send a basket and note on your behalf for as little as $5. I, with the warrior spirit of an overlord, have concocted a muffin recipe imbued with Worf’s beloved prunes and spiked with (dilithium) crystallized ginger while also being vegan in honor of Dorn himself.
You can learn more about Dorn’s plans for a Captain Worf Series here.
Meanwhile, strap on your aprons, for today is a good day to di(n)e!
Worf’s Spiced Prune Mini Muffins
3 ripe bananas, mashed
¼ cup veggie oil or vegan margarine
½ cup white sugar
½ cup packed brown sugar
2 tsp garam masala (alt: Chinese five spice powder or plain old cinnamon)
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp vanilla
1 ¼ tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 cups flour
1 cup roughly chopped prunes + whole prunes for garnish
¼ cup finely chopped (dilithium) crystallized ginger
Start by crushing the spirit of your bananas as you mash them into a paste. Drown the vanquished bananas in ¼ cup of the life blood of your least favorite plant. Smother it all under the weight of both white and brown sugars, then mask the trembling smell of your enemy’s fear under the spicy tang of garam masala, cinnamon, and vanilla.
Beat it harder than a Dominion spy. Keep beating until it can’t take any more lumps and collapses into a smooth paste of submission.
Pour salt into the wound. While you’re at it, pour in the baking soda, too. Mix those into the batter until the crying stops, then toughen it up with the addition of flour.
Break the core of your enemy’s warp drive and crumble a quarter cup of their dilithium crystals into the batter. (Or substitute crystallized ginger if you have a better use for the dilithium.) In honor of the Son of Mogh, also mix in a cup of roughly chopped prunes.
Now, the sloppy mess is ready to be reformed into an honorable shape – one which can fight on behalf of Captain Worf.
Drop heat protection suits into a mini muffin pan. Fill each one with a heaping tablespoon of trembling batter as your newly minted recruits prepare to battle against a heat unlike any they’ve known before.
Set your crucible to 350F. Leave the proto-warriors inside for 15 minutes. Stab one through the center with a toothpick to see if it is worthy. If it’s still wet inside, leave it there for up to 18 minutes.
Some of your mini muffins will be scrawny or misshapen. They should be sacrificed, fresh and hot from the oven, into the gaping maw of an impatient baking god. The rest can be sent to CBS to fight for the glory of the Klingon Empire.