Edible Art: Soylent Green Ration Crackers

Kitchen Overlord - Soylent Green Ration Crackers

Make Room! Make Room for these healthy green crackers that are most certainly not made of people.*

Soylent Green Ration Crackers

½ cup whole wheat flour
½ cup oat flour
½ cup almond flour
2 tbsp water
2 tbsp matcha green tea powder
2 tbsp tahini
2 tbsp honey
2 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp kosher salt
½ tbsp sesame oil
Extra salt for dusting

Mix water, tahini, honey, olive oil, and sesame oil into a paste as dense as the population.

Mix everything else in a separate, cleaner bowl.

Cause a riot by mixing the two. You should end up with a dense green dough.

Lightly spritz a sheet of aluminum foil with nonstick spray.

Put the dough in the middle of the foil and press it down with your fingers.

Put a sheet of waxed paper on top.

Roll the dough until it’s as thin as a pie crust.

Trim away the uneven scraps. Use them to patch up any holes in the dough.

Carefully transfer the aluminum foil to a cookie sheet.

Lightly dust the top with extra salt.

Use an oiled pizza cutter to cut the crackers into squares. Poke each square twice with a fork.

Bake at 300F for 6-10 minutes, or until the edges just barely turn brown. Don’t overcook or they’ll be as ruined as a burnt out city.

Let cool for 30 minutes before distributing as rations.

Serve with luxuries like a teaspoon of strawberry jam or nutritious protein rich hummus alongside the Soylent Corporation’s new line of long pork rinds.


* Ingredients subject to change without notice depending on the quality of the annual plankton harvest.

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