Instead of spending the zombie apocalypse holed up in Dick’s Sporting goods, head over to Williams Sonoma. You’re still going to die, but at least you can have a good last meal before you become a meal.
Zombie Brain Bread
2 1/2 cups flour
1 cup whole milk
1 tbsp active dry yeast
3 tbsp packed light brown sugar
2 tbsp melted butter
1 tsp table salt
1 egg
1 tsp red food coloring
3 cups warm water
1/3 cup baking soda
2 tbsp coarse kosher salt
Warm milk to the temperature of blood in the closest mall food court microwave.
Add the yeast. Stir and wait 10 minutes for it to bloom like an ugly bruise.
Add the brown sugar, butter, table salt, egg, food coloring, and flour.
Mix it into dough. Send your least favorite fellow survivor to watch the entrances while you knead for 8-10 minutes.
Just like a zombie infestation, after an hour the dough should double in size.
Punch it down like you’re beating a fellow survivor for stealing your food.
Mix the baking soda and warm water.
Grab a chunk of dough the size of your fist. Shape it into an oval.
Use a slotted spoon to dip the oval into the baking soda infused water. Roll it around for 30 seconds.
Put your raw proto-brains on a well greased cookie sheet. Snip them down the middle to form two brain hemispheres.
Make shallower snips along each side for the lobes and folds of the brain.
Sprinkle your brains with kosher salt. Try not to think about what condiments the zombies will use when eating you.
Bake at 350F for 10-12 minutes.
To celebrate the end of humanity, serve with blood red raspberry jam, BBQ pulled pork, and Bloody Mary’s to wash it all down.
