Deviled Ood with Horseradish and Bacon (from the new Doctor Who Cookbook)

Deviled Ood with Horseradish and Bacon
(Season 2, Episode 9: The Satan Pit)

Are you questioning the logic of exploring a planet orbiting a black hole? Has your favorite archaeologist acquired some disturbing new tattoos? Are your Ood servants muttering incomprehensible gibberish while serving your food? No? Well, they will be once they see these fast and easy one-bite appetizers celebrating the end of their forced servitude.

12 hard boiled eggs
¼ cup mayonnaise
2 tbsp prepared horseradish
2 tbsp beef drippings (substitute more mayo if unavailable)
2 tsp white wine vinegar
2 tsp prepared Dijon mustard
1 clove garlic, minced fine
½ tsp paprika (optional)
½ tsp kosher salt
4 fresh basil leaves
1 thick cucumber
12 slices bacon

The tender flesh of unborn flightless birds will magically transform into the faces of your new minions. Bring a pot of water to a rolling boil so it resembles an angry interstellar vortex. Seed the potential alternate universe on the other side with new life by using a slotted spoon to submerge all 12 of your eggs. Sure, it’s entirely possible the creatures born in that universe might create a religion where their chief deity has epic battles with a demon that looks remarkably like a slotted spoon, but you don’t live there, so don’t worry about ending up in a dome shaped prison with skylines along the ceiling.

Once your eggs are boiled, submerge them in cold water to cool down. While the eggs cool, cut your bacon into narrow strips and fry it up in a pan.

Once your eggs are boiled and bacon is fried, grab a bowl. Dump in your mayonnaise, horseradish, vinegar, mustard, garlic, and salt.. If you have beef drippings, add those, too. (If you plan on making The Doctor’s Yorkshire Puddings, why not save a couple tablespoons of drippings to use in this recipe, too?)

Peel your eggs and cut them in half lengthwise so they look like oval Ood faces. Scoop out the yolk brains and add them to the mayo mix.

Mash everything in the mayo bowl like you’re trying to crush the memories of oppression from your Ood’s brain. Once everything is as smooth as a the musical stylings of an imprisoned Ood elder, spice it up with a couple basil leaves, chopped fine.

Now that you have a tasty brain-replacement filling, cut your cucumber into 24 slices.

Look at the yolk hole in your eggs. It reminds you of the hole in an Ood’s soul from removing their brains. Fill it with something new, something different, something of your own creation. Or a spoon full of the yolk and mayo filling since you have it right there.

Normally, you’d proudly display the open wounds of a freshly cut egg, but in this case, we’re going to hide the injuries by slapping the filled side of an egg onto a cucumber slice to keep the filling from falling out like an Ood dropping its external brain.

Add a couple slices of basil to represent your Ood’s eyes. Finish it off with a fresh mound of crispy bacon mouth tentacles.

You can whip up a couple dozen of these easy two bite appetizers in half an hour, all while snacking on the extra bacon you slipped into the pan. If you want to spice things up, carefully sprinkle on some paprika instead of basil to give your Ood servants a bad case of Red Eye.

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