Oh, Russell T. Davies. It’s hard to believe you let the writers follow up episodes as amazing as the two parter The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances with a two parter parody of contemporary reality TV. Watching your lethal versions of Big Brother and The Weakest Link is a great reminder that Doctor Who is at its best when the episodes are timeless.
The Big Brother house is littered with as many used crisp packets as series one is with references to Bad Wolf. If you’re a fan of snacking on fluorescent orange cheesy crackers, you’ll be as pleased as a winning contestant to learn how easy it is to make your own healthier, Whovian version.
Bad Wolf Cheesy Crackers (From “Bad Wolf)
Series 1, Episode 12, Story 166a
INGREDIENTS AND SUPPLIES
- 8 oz/225 g shredded sharp cheddar cheese
- 4 tbsp/60 g cold butter, cubed
- 1 c/135 g flour
- ¾ tsp table salt
- 2 tbsp/30 ml cold water
- 2 tbsp kosher salt (optional, for topping)
- 2 inch wolf shaped cookie cutter
- leftover single serving sized crisp packets/chip bags
- parchment paper
Dump your sharp cheddar cheese, cubed butter, flour, and table salt into a food processor. Use the magic of electricity to transform the disparate ingredients into coarse orange sand using only a few pulses.
Add 1 tbsp of water and pulse a couple more times. If it comes together as a dough, you’re done. If not, add the second tbsp of water and pulse a couple more times. The dough should be firm enough to hold together without crumbling while also dry enough not to be sticky.
Carefully remove the dough from your food processor and shape it into two discs. Wrap them in plastic and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes, or overnight.
Once the dough has a chance to set up, grab the first disc and smush it between two pieces of parchment paper. Roll it out until it’s a mere ⅛ inch/30 mm. Any thinner than that and the crackers will be difficult to cut and handle.
Use your wolf shaped cookie cutter (I found several on Amazon) to punch out little orange Bad Wolves. Assemble your pack 1 inch/2.5 cm apart on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Knead the scraps into a smaller ball and repeat the process until you’re out of dough.
Sprinkle the crackers with however much coarse kosher salt you like. Go wild if you want to. It’s not like you’re going to survive your appearance on What Not To Wear.
Bake your Bad Wolves at 350F/190C for 12-15 minutes, or until the middle is golden and the edges are lightly browned. For the best color, rotate your cookie sheets halfway through baking.
Once their pelts are browned, let your cheesy wolf pack cool on the parchment paper. The crackers will firm up even more while cooling so they end up a satisfyingly crunchy treat.
A roughly 2 inch/5 cm wolf cookie cutter will give you about 45 crackers. That may sound like a lot, but it’s really only enough to fill three single serving crisp packets. If your friends are fans of cheese crackers, you might want to make a double batch.
You could just dump them in a bowl, but where’s the fun in that? Proudly serve your Bad Wolf crackers in brightly colored, well cleaned, leftover crisp packets. For presentation (and so the bags don’t look empty), roll the package down so the shiny interior foil covers the original brand name. That’ll give you the look of proper Satellite 5 junk food, left half eaten in the Big Brother house when you’re voted out of the flat.
Gluten Free Variation:
Instead of wheat flour, substitute this trio:
3/4 cup sweet rice flour
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/2 tsp xanthan gum
That’s it! Follow along with the rest of the easy instructions and enjoy your own home gluten free Bad Wolf Cheesy Crackers.
NEED MORE WHOVIAN RECIPES?
Preview these tasty morsels from Dining With the Doctor: Regenerated – now available for pre-order!
Come back every week between now and the winter holiday season for a new preview recipe.
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