Hello, minions. Since the fighting in Thunderdome #7 left nine of you maimed, I decided to pick up another food sample box. This one came from The Goodies Company. I wondered what kind of alchemy let them ship such a heavy box for only $7. Then I found out they’re owned by Wal-Mart. They can afford to take a loss just to tempt you into spending more. I approve.
The sheer size and weight of this month’s box surprised me. Inside I found:
Full sized Zico Coconut Water
Snack sized Benitos Gluten Free Tortilla Chips
Snack sized Super Seeds salted pumpkin seeds
2 snack sized sour power straws
2 tablespoon sized olive oil samples
1 sample sized container of roasted raspberry chipolte glaze
1 teabag
1 coupon for a full sized container of Wholly Guacamole
Chip clip
Look at that. I couldn’t ship this to myself for $7.
First, let’s look at the solids. I’ve tried Beanitos before, and honestly, I’m a fan. They don’t taste anything like corn chips. In fact, I’d say they’re more like hummus in solid, dipable form. Since I love both hummus and all things crunchy, this is a win-win situation.
The Super Seeds didn’t come with a cape, X-Ray vision, or telepathy, though I did try to hear them scream as I crushed them between my molars. Instead, they merely released a whisper of flavor alongside a bite of salt.
My favorite thing in the box has to be the roasted raspberry chipolte sauce. It has the color of thickened blood and the flavor of sweet barbecue sauce laced with artificial preservatives and synthetic fruit flavor. This came just in time for Memorial Day, so I was able to make turkey tenderloins (which are roughly the size and shape of a human calf) look like they’d just been ripped off a screaming minion who failed to do my bidding. We all had a good laugh once the screaming stopped.
The liquids were equally worthwhile. I’m always a sucker for new teas, and I’ve been curious about coconut water for awhile. The tiny stealth olive oils made me wonder what The Goodies Company expected me to smuggle in hidden crevices.
My only disappointment came from the Sour Power Straws. I’m not sure whether they’re meant to to turn milk sour or just sour my appetite. They didn’t feel like they fit with the rest of the box. Who knows. Perhaps all of this month’s samples use the same preservative.
This box is an insanely good value for the money. Good news, everyone. I’m keeping the subscription. Get ready for a monthly battle in the sub-basement.