I’m not sure it’s possible to fully express my disdain for the Peckish Food Subscription Box.
The website makes it sound pretty good. For $15+shipping, you get three generously sized bags of organic snacks. You’re allowed to pick among themes including “Energy Booster,” “Protein,” and my sad failure, “Sweet Tooth.” The sweet offerings on their website included such tantalizing offers as the “Sweet and Tart” with pineapple, chocolate, and almonds, the “PB&J” with raspberries, grapes, cookies, and peanuts, or the “Strawberry Sunrise” with strawberries, pitted dates, and sugar coated oats.
Instead of sweet bags of snacks, I got the Peanocolate and Agrestic Trifecta with only one token sweet offering in the form of the Strawberry Banana Sundae.
The Peanocolate is, hands down, the cheapest thing I have yet to receive in a snack box. It’s a bag of unsalted peanuts and waxy chocolate chips. I could’ve made three bags this size for two bucks after visiting a dollar store. While those bags wouldn’t be organic, they would at least have some semblance of flavor. Whole Foods, Sprouts, and Trader Joe’s have proved organic doesn’t have to be bland and hopelessly tasteless. No one would eat this, not even the cybernetically enhanced squirrels.
The Strawberry Banana Sundae was a special kind of hell. These are air dried dehydrated fruits. They have all the enticing texture of science museum Astronaut Ice Cream coupled with the same flavor as their own packaging. Each mealy slice instantly sucked up every hint of moisture in your mouth. The only possible use for this snack is to make people drink more water, because you will need a full 8 oz glass to force these dessicated, flavorless hunks down your protesting throat.
The box proudly informed us this month they included a shiny new offering. I’m not sure why they think the Agrestic Trifecta belongs in a section labeled “Sweet Tooth.” While I appreciate full sized, brain shaped walnut halves, they taste more woody than sweet. Both the walnuts and pumpkin seeds were entirely without salt, fat, or seasoning. All the flavor was supposed to come from the handful of raisins, which were apparently also the justification for suggesting anyone with a sweet tooth would find this bag remotely appealing. You are wrong, Peckish.
I could’ve forgiven the not-so-sweet selection if they made up for it with taste, but the complete lack of salt, seasonings, or any understanding that humans consider flavor an appealing quality in foods made me cancel the box immediately. Pekish represents all the reasons people think organic food is a punishment. They’re wrong. I promise.