Whoo hoo! The weekend is coming! That can only mean one thing. It’s time to lose your children and elderly relatives on a highly experimental, ethically dubious island paradise full of bloodthirsty monsters genetically engineered to look like scientifically inaccurate retro 1980’s vision of dinosaurs! After all, if the kids have an “accident,” you’ll either get an incredible survivor’s payout or a guaranteed reality show deal, so it’s a win either way.
Before you take off, woo the kids into a false sense of security by packing these handy “tracking medallions” in their lunch. Remember to tell them the dinosaurs that make these prints are the super friendly pettable kind and not at all clever, door opening velociraptors.
Jurassic World Dinosaur Tracking Medallion Cookies
– 1 heaping tbsp culinary lavender, crushed
– ¼ cup boiling water
– 1/2 cup butter
– 1 cup sugar
– 2 eggs
– 2 1/4 cups flour
– 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
– 1/2 teaspoon salt
– 1 tsp fresh lemon zest
– 1 tbsp lemon juice
– 1 plastic dinosaur
– 2 tbsp strained lavender water
– 2 tbsp lemon juice
– ¾ cup powdered sugar
– pinch salt
Use the back of a spoon to crush the lavender until it’s as broken as your dreams. Drown the fragments in boiling water and let the bitterness steep.
Cream the butter and sugar together for at least five minutes, or until it’s as airy and fluffy as island clouds.
Zest the lemon. Try not to think about the fact that it looks like you’re ripping flesh from either a dinosaur or a very jaundiced Edward James Olmos. While you’re in the mood for a bit of torture, cut the lemon in half and squeeze out its life blood.
Hide the evidence of your culinary crimes by adding 1 tsp fresh zest and 1 tbsp fresh lemon juice to the creamed butter and sugar.
Strain the lavender, taking care to retain the juices. It should look and smell like a fragrant Jurassic swamp. Add 1 heaping tbsp damp plant bits to the batter so the cookies will look like there were bits of plant life preserved alongside the dinosaur footprints.
While you’re at it, go ahead and add the baking powder and salt. Sure, good people carefully whisk those into the flour before adding the dry ingredients to the wet ones, but you’re a rebel. Mix everything up for at least a minute and tell yourself that’s good enough. You’re right.
Finish off the dough by adding in the flour ½ cup at a time. keep mixing until it transforms from pale sand into a stiff dough, much like quicksand calcifying around your father-in-law. With that happy image in your mind, pack the dough into a ball and hide it in the fridge for at least an hour. It’s fine if you want to grab a couple beers, double check his will, and get back to the cookies tomorrow.
Whenever you’re ready to start baking, preheat your oven to 375F.
Rip out a couple sheets of parchment paper and roll the cold dough between them. Sure, you could flour your clean counter and roll the dough out on that, but paper is a lot faster to clean up, and you’ve got “accidents” to plan.
When the dough is about ¼ inch thick, grab a cookie cutter wide enough to fit a pair of little dinosaur feet.
Press your 100% totally harmless yet surprisingly anatomically accurate dinosaur toy feet deep into the white sandy mud that is your dough. Make sure it goes nearly all the way through. Otherwise, tectonic shifts and rising earth will erase the prints.
Bake your tracking medallions at 375F for 11-12 minutes, or until the edges are barely a light golden brown.
Pack them with rare beef sandwiches and a note written in grandpa’s handwriting encouraging the kids to Instagram one another riding every genetic abomination in Jurassic World.
Optional – if you want to give your cookies the fresh look of muddy tracks in the midst of a rain forest, whisk together the 2 tbsp strained lavender water, 2 tbsp fresh lemon juice, a pinch of salt, and ¾ cup powdered sugar. Once your icing reaches your desired thickness, use a pastry brush to paint on a thin layer, taking care to ensure the tracks are still visible. You wouldn’t want the kids to confuse them for those harmless herbivores.
While grandpa and the kids enjoy their island vacation, you can spend some quality alone time with your favorite scientist.