30 Vintage Dune Coloring Pages for Nihilistic Children
Oh, sweet 1980’s movie tie-ins. How I miss you. Putnam Publishing Group had just enough money to buy the licensing rights for a Dune coloring book and a big stack of cocaine, but not enough left over for an editor. The result is a bleak, nihilistic wonderland.
The Dune Coloring Book and Dune Activity Book were available for about two weeks during 1984 before a sober adult opened one up to a random page and realized their kid was going either going to to need a lot more black and red crayons or a lot more therapy.
In honor of the the internet justifying my life long love of Dune by sharing the hell out of my Spice Stuffed Sandworm Bread (which shockingly got over 100,000 views in 24 hours! I love you, nerds!) I’ve assembled as many of the Coloring and Activity book pages as possible, which I encourage you to reassemble into a surrealist make-your-own adventure story.
BUT FIRST, I HAVE NEWS!
Hey, this coloring page doesn’t look like it came from the 80’s! In fact, it looks awfully familiar…
Somehow, without the aid of David Lynch, Sting, or a big pile of cocaine, I still managed to convince Tom Gordon to turn Kitchen Overlord’s Illustrated Geek Cookbook into a coloring book.
You don’t get any recipes, but you do get a colorable compendium of geek history stretching from 1887 to the present. Mostly, though, you get Tom’s wonderful art.
You can now get all 110 pages of KITCHEN OVERLORD’S COLORABLE COMPENDIUM OF GEEK HISTORY on Amazon for $13.99.
Meanwhile, enjoy this flashback to the coloring book of a simpler time, when dead parents and eye piercing robots were wholesome family fare.
THE WHITE PAGES
Yes, you’re going to need a biohazard suit before you open this book.
Are there any cute robots in the movie?
There are “human computers” with gigantic eyebrows.
Nah, what about this thing? It’s small and sneaky and it flies.
It nearly puts the main character’s eye out.
Great. Have another line of coke and draw it. Next page!
Is this a future sex thing?
No, no, she’s just testing to see if he’s human.
How is that not a sex thing?
You’re joking, right? This is supposed to be a children’s coloring book!
If it’s any consolation, this time it really is a sex thing.
This is your revenge for the vagina dentata jokes I make when I’m drunk.
The Reverend Mothers are known throughout the ‘verse as the most beautiful seductresses alive.
Hi! I’m Paul. This is my dad, Duke of Caladan, and my mom, who is visiting from the set of Blade Runner.
My cousin is really into tantric yoga, body oil, and finding new ways to stab me.
Feyd and I fight a lot.
Our uncle likes to watch.
THE YELLOW PAGES
Some day, son, all of this will be yours. Well, not all of it. Not much of it, really. Just this ring, in fact.
I’ve heard the spice makes you feel young, but damn. No one warned me I’d regrow my wisdom teeth!
Don’t worry! I know a great dentist!
I can take care of that in a jiffy, Duke. Now, as I put you under, I want you to remember one thing…
Get up, guys. I know you hate the dentist, but c’mon, this is a little extreme.
Meanwhile, out in the waiting room, Paul proves Feyd can’t tickle him if he keeps his arms crossed.
THE ACTIVITY PAGES
Before he was Captain of the Enterprise, Picard had a pony tail and played in a band.
Whoa! Tone down those eyebrows! We wouldn’t want to scare the kids!
Baron Harkonen’s Belly Search is one of the lesser known scenes Lynch had to leave on the cutting room floor.
The real reason 80’s kids hated the metric system.
That toothless sandworm could still murder you with his uvula.
His name is a killing word.
METH: NOT EVEN ONCE
Guild Navigators Before Meth.
Guild Navigators After Meth
Need a mental palate cleanser? Bleach your brain with some Dune recipes.
Kitchen Overlord’s Illustrated Geek Cookbook includes fast & easy spice stuffed sandworms plus nerdy recipes from 50 other fandoms.
Or check out the links below for even more Dune themed recipes!
Spice Stuffed Squash Sandworms
Spice Filled Sandworm Bread
Sandworms Swimming in a Spice Patch
Sandworm Spice Cookies
Tabara Cake and Spice Tea
Sandworm Cake Roundup
Vintage Dune Coloring Pages for Nihilistic Children