Instead of spending the zombie apocalypse holed up in Dick’s Sporting goods, head over to Williams Sonoma. You’re still going to die, but at least you can have a good last meal before you become a meal. Zombie Brain Bread 2 1/2 cups flour 1 cup whole milk 1 tbsp active dry yeast 3 tbsp packed light brown sugar 2
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I locked myself inside the mess hall. Those idiots outside seem to think they’re living in a Telenovela instead of the damn zombie apocalypse. I’ve got to do something to get out of here before the creepy kid in a cowboy hat decides to cut off my fingers and stuff them up my nostrils to stop me from snoring. The
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Some nights, unspeakable things happen in the Kitchen Overlord lair. Most food blogs go out of their way to make it look like they casually whipped up utter perfection without breaking a sweat. It’s intimidating, and anyone out there who has ever tried to recreate a Pintrest recipe knows it’s a vicious lie. I, on the other hand, am not
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In honor of our fine mayor’s special sense of humor, you’ve been asked to make an atmospheric bread to share during our next Entertainment. Stop crying. You can do this. Bleeding Zombie Victim Loaf 4 ½ – 5 cups flour 1 tbsp yeast ½ cup sugar ½ cup warm water ½ cup fresh blood orange juice 1 fresh tsp blood
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Turkey tenderloins are almost the same size and shape as a human calf muscle. Keep yourself busy on slow nights between battles by using these to prank your fellow survivors into thinking you’ve joined the ranks of the undead. World War Z…ombie Tenderloins 4 turkey tenderloins 1⁄4 cup chili powder 2 tbsp cumin 2 tbsp brown sugar 1 tbsp sweet
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Indy’s Pull Apart Monkey Brains 3 tubes buttermilk biscuits 1 cup butter 1 cup white sugar 1/2 cup brown sugar 3 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp red food coloring Disposable chopsticks Use your ritual knife to cleave each biscuit into four parts, mirroring the four lobes of a human heart. Pour your white sugar and cinnamon into a gallon sized plastic
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Just looking at that makes my mouth water. I’m overcome by the gloriously red flesh, the hints of muscular texture, and the overwhelming feeling that my neighbors might taste better with a nice citrus-ginger glaze. Wait. No. I mustn’t think that way. These feelings aren’t real. I’m a person, not a monster. I can’t be craving human flesh. Oh, wait.
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With The Walking Dead coming back in just a few weeks, I couldn’t stop thinking about bloody red, fleshy foods for a dinner party. I’m more than a little in love with the amazing things you can do with dark red beets, but I also realize a lot of people have never eaten beets and have no interest in trying
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